Husband drinks & stays out late – Does yours?

Updated on May 31, 2017 in Relationship
10 on May 30, 2017
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Dear everyone,

I have been married for more than 5 years and have 2 young kids. Hubby likes to drink and only come rhymes home at 2-3am in the morning. This happens at least once a week and has been recurring for the last 2 years. Initially, I got very upset and would alway quarrel with him over his behavior. I simply could not understand why he needed to drink so often (at least twice a week) and staying out till wee hours (at least once a week). I often feared he would get into a car accident (yes, he would still drive home after the drinks) or worse still, knock someone. I worry about his health from the constant drinking.

His rationale was for networking, distressing, etc etc.

I tolerated and decided not to quarrel with him anymore as we just could not see each other’s point. In Oct, he came back at 3.30am. I began to wonder if he was having an affair outside. I emailed him as I knew we would end up quarreling if I asked him straight in the face. He didn’t reply me.

I am totally helpless now on next steps. Appreciate some kind advice. Thank you.

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0 on May 30, 2017
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I am so sorry to hear about your current situation.

Have you tried heart-to-heart talk with him on what is stressing him? Try your very best to talk in a very calm manner. Try not to explode otherwise, the talk will end rather abruptly. The purpose of the talk is to find out what exactly stressing him. Try not start a conversation about how you feel.

If the talk goes very smoothly about what is stressing him, then display your fear about how afraid you are when he goes out drinking. Afraid for his health and safety. Afraid for children as well.

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0 on May 30, 2017
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Applecrisp, is your husband like that when you guys were still dating? OR maybe he was already like that but you didn’t know because you were just dating and you guys are not living together yet.

Is he running his own business? Usually, men like to drink with his client when he is self-employed to get more business. Try to find out who he drinks with. If these friends are really true friends, they will not want to see him get into trouble by drink driving or having a problem with the family. Personally, I can accept my husband goes drinking once in a while. they do need “me” time too.

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0 on May 30, 2017
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I think apple crisp doesn’t mind her husband destressing, but she suspects he is having affair.

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0 on May 30, 2017
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The most important thing to remember doesn’t drink when you drive and don’t drive when you drink. When your hubby knows that he is going for drinking session, he should not drive as he will put himself and other people at risk. Do let him know that even if he didn’t get into any accident, he will have to go jail if he is tested to have alcohol in his breath during road blocks.

Ok, back to your question. Well, I think letting hubby go out with his friends for some ‘me’ time is reasonable – we wives do that too. However, he can start his ‘night’ earlier ie. once off work so he can start with dinner with his friends at 7pm then end the night at around 10pm.

I would try to get to know what type of friends he goes out with. Maybe can join him for some of the nights out if there is someone who can take care of the kids for you. But of course, if it is all guys out, they would say no one brings spouse etc. maybe you can invite the friends and their spouses to your house for dinner etc.

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0 on May 30, 2017
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Hello guys, thanks a lot for suggesting me.
Someone had asked me to have a good talk with him. but what else to say? i have already told him i don’t like him to drink and drive and come rhymes home so late, but he is still doing it. his reason is always the same – need to network, de-stress, male bonding etc etc. does it mean if both of us cannot see eye-to-eye in this matter, it’s either i live with it for the rest of my life, or i leave him?? i feel very depressed, knowing that my dad, male colleagues or bosses are not like that. how did i end up with a hubby who comes home at 4-5am?? sure, if even if you want to drink to destress or network, if you start at drinking after 7 pm, should finish by midnight? Do the pubs really open on weekday nights till 4-5am?

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0 on May 30, 2017
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I have a friend whose husband is like yours, go out drinking and karaoke till late at night and sometimes stay out. My friend also found out that he has been involved with Chinese and Vietnamese women. They have two girls who are teenagers now. My friend is contemplating divorce after 20 yrs of marriage. He was like that before marriage and didn’t seem to change after marriage. He even blamed the wife for not being a good wife.

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0 on May 30, 2017
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The earth will continue to revolve even when we are sad….
Be strong …your kids need you….

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0 on May 30, 2017
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Reading your post, can’t help feeling I’m so sorry for you…and it reminds me of my pathetic marriage before my spouse passed away….

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0 on May 30, 2017
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Hello Montales, I don’t have any words. I’m shocked to hear it….

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0 on May 31, 2017
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So sad to hear it but I’m not married.

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